A new beginning

Anyone who knows me, knows I've struggled with my weight most of my life.

I remember always being thicker than the other kids, or bigger as a kid. In junior high, I was the heaviest - not that I was more than 15 pounds more than my friends, but I was rounder in the face and wider in the shoulders which always made me stand out and instantly made me a target for jokes. I stood out from my cousins who were all tall and abnormally thin. Those on the Italian side of the family were short, but petite and small framed - so I was the biggest kid.

In high school I thinned out and lost that "baby fat" that everyone said I'd been carrying for the previous 14 years.
Freshman & Sophomore year I was heavily active in sports that enabled me to lose some weight. By Junior year I'd started to eat less & exercise more. The summer of my Junior year I ate even less and worked out even more - I quickly lost weight, but at the same time was slowly developing an eating disorder. Senior this cycle progressed - I went from a size 16 to a size 10 by the time senior year started and was into an 8 by that Thanksgiving. I remember barely eating and aggressive workouts. Due to my large frame, even at an 8, my spine and ribs shows through my skin.

After high school I moved out on my own. My world opened up to all kinds of new foods and drinks that I did not have access to at home. The workout’s stopped because school and sports were over. In a couple of months I gained 60 pounds – and the weight kept piling on. Pretty soon I’d gained 70, 90, 100, 130, etc.

I tried everything – getting back into a workout routine, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, starvation, every fad diet or pill I could afford, etc. The weigh kept piling on. I started making excuses – tricking myself into thinking I was still thin and could eat anything, that just make the problem worse.

I now sit her at 295 pounds. I am over 150 pounds over weight. I lost 40 pound earlier this year though diet and exercise, but got lazy and gained all but 10 back.

I’m ready to start – not start a new diet but start my life. I’ve become lazy over the years and make excuses for why I am the way I am.

I am 30 years old and was asked by the parent of my daughter’s friend last week if my almost 60 year old mother-in-law was my sister. When I was 12, people used to ask I my mom and I were sisters, when I was 19, a nurse asked if my husband who’s 4 years older than me was my son, when I was 21 I was asked by a co-worker if the picture on my desk was my daughter, when it was actually a picture of me and my husband taken only a couple of years prior. During my 20’s I was continually mistaken for being in my mid to late 30’s. Now that I’m 30, I’m being mistaken for being the sister of my mother-in-law who’s in her late 50’s.

Obviously this is wrong and I’m ready to change. If I look this bad on the outside, then things are worse on the inside.